5 Misconceptions of Grief: Uncovering the Truth behind the Emotion
Grief is a powerful and complex emotion that is experienced universally. The impact of any grief and loss can be profound and leave a wake of devastation; often silently. When the truth behind grief is understood, there is space for the healing journey.
Despite grief’s universality, there are many misconceptions surrounding grief that can hinder the understanding and ability to cope with it. In this blog, we will explore 5 common misconceptions of grief.
1. Grief is only associated with death
Grief can occur any time a person experiences a loss. Grief can occur in any significant losses, such as a change of employment, moving, change in your daily life, loss of a dream, and loss of any type of a relationship; not just death. The less visible forms of grief are often overlooked; even by those experiencing the losses. Recognizing the various forms of grief help us offer empathy and understanding to those we know who are struggling with diverse losses.
2. Grief is a linear process.
There is no normal way to grieve. Elisabeth Küber-Ross discusses the five stages of grief as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. “Stages of grief” is a misnomer as we do not cycle, not progress, through the stages in a linear fashion. There is no graduating from one stage to the next. However, grief is more like a rollercoaster or the ocean waves; up and down, ebbing and flowing. People may move back and forth between the Küber-Ross’s stages at different times through the grief journey; and multiple times. Undemanding that grief is non-linear can provide compassion and empathy towards ourselves or others during the grieving process.
3. Grief has a timeline.
Grief should end after a certain amount of time. It is a common misconception of grief, that grief should end after a year. Or give it time, in x- amount of time, you will feel better. In reality, grief is unique to each individual and their process. Putting time constraints to one’s grief adds pressure and shame, interfering with the grief process. Offering time and space for someone to navigate their pain and sorrow is essential.
4. Grief gets better if you just move on or “get over it.”
Unacknowledged or unprocessed grief does not resolve. In dismissing painful emotions or memories one may temporarily feel relief. However, grief will creep back up. Grief is like weeds growing through the cracks of the sidewalk. The weeds can get pulled but until they are dealt with; the weeds will continue to grow and be seen. Resources to help you process and integrate your grief include seeing a counselor, finding grief groups, and reading about others’ journey
through grief. Instead of aiming to move on completely, it is more helpful to learn to integrate the loss into our lives and find ways to honor the memory of what was lost.
5. Grief makes others sad, keep it hidden; no one can understand or handle it.
Some people may be unsure of how to come alongside grief; or experience their own sadness over others grief. Be prepared to hear some things that you do not want to hear from those trying to help. These comments include, “they are in a better place,” “it is for the best,” “God must have wanted them home for some reason,” “it was meant to be this way”. These can be painful platitudes; causing a sense of loneliness in grief.
You may need to help others know how to be there for you. Some requests may include, “can you just listen,” “can I tell you what I miss the most right now,” “can I have a hug,” “can we do something in remembrance,” or “can you just sit with me.” Allowing ourselves to express our emotions and share our grief with others can be a crucial step in the healing process. Opening up to trusted friends, family, or professionals can provide much-needed support and validation during a difficult time.
In Conclusion
Everyone experiences grief differently. As you or your loved-one enters grief, be aware of grief side effects. Those grieving may experience a “grief brain” in which it is harder to remember daily tasks and what was just done or said. A loss of time; feeling as if your loved one was just here, or a sense they have been gone forever. On occasion, you may lose relationships because friends and family do not understand your grief. You may find yourself wishing people would remember the important dates. A normal response when assuming everyone else has moved on with their lives and you are stuck in grief. This can add an extra layer of grief.
And finally, throughout your grief journey, give yourself grace; there is no timeline for grief. The grief journey is a sacred journey, bringing pain and healing together. Grief is individual to each person and even family members experience their loss differently.
Your Questions Answered
What are some common misconceptions about grief?
There are many misconceptions about grief, but some of the most common include the belief that grief is only associated with death, it follows a linear process, it has a fixed timeline, it can be resolved by simply “moving on”, and it should be hidden as it makes others uncomfortable.
Is grief only associated with the death of a loved one?
No, grief is not just associated with death. Grief can occur anytime a person experiences a loss, such as a change of employment, moving, change in daily life, loss of a dream, and loss of any type of relationship. Less visible forms of grief are often overlooked.
Question: Does grief follow a linear process?
Does grief follow a linear process?
No, grief does not follow a linear process. The concept of “stages of grief” is misleading as individuals do not move through them in a fixed order. Grief is more like a rollercoaster or ocean waves, it ebbs and flows, and people can cycle through different stages at different times.
Does grief have a timeline or does it end after a certain period?
Grief does not have a specific timeline and it doesn’t necessarily end after a fixed period of time. The duration and intensity of grief is unique to each individual and their process. The notion that grief should end after a year or after a specific timeframe can add pressure and interfere with the healing process.
Is it helpful to "move on" or "get over" grief?
The idea of simply moving on or getting over grief is a common misconception. Unacknowledged or unprocessed grief doesn’t resolve; instead, it can resurface. Instead of aiming to move on completely, it is more helpful to learn to integrate the loss into our lives and find ways to honor the memory of what was lost.
